To you father to be....

Everyone knows that the past cannot be changed. The longer one holds onto the things that don't matter anymore the harder it is to live a fruitful future. I lost my way for a couple of years and it has caused many strife's in my life. Being sucked into a world where you don't belong is a tough thing to overcome. I am not proud of the last few years of my life. If I had met someone at a different time and not in the midst of all the garbage then maybe it would have turned out differently. I can't keep beating myself up over what has been. I was asked several times by this person if it caused so many problems why didn't you leave. It is people that are quick to judge that cannot ever be explained anything to. It wasn't that easy just to leave. I hated every minute of it but caught up in the angry and depression of things that had occurred in the past years I couldn't budge. I saw what the right thing was and I wanted it but I was stuck. So as I watched my relationship with this person fall down the tubs I kept saying that I would change. I just changed to late for that. It isn't to late for me and my life and my precious baby. Maybe if they had been more understanding then it would have worked out. To throw in my face that the new girlfriend is much better than me and hasn't lived the life I have is hurtful. I know though that no matter what my heart didn't change. Maybe she can't even comprehend my life for even a second but I can guarantee that her heart is nowhere near mine. She surely will never be better than me. I am finding peace with the way things are and that is all that matters. What was isn't anymore and I am letting that go. The future is still bright and I can turn everything around. Things will never have to be what they where. No matter what though you should never turn your back on the person carrying the child you created. That is what I struggle with the most. I read old texts and it makes me sad because how can a person change they way the feel overnight? What kind of person wakes up one and decides that another girl is the way the want to go? I guess a person who is fake and never really cared. A baby isn't something to run away from. It isn't going to make your life miserable or change anything about the way you live it. I am the one that will take care of it so you don't really have to worry about all the superficial things you think are on the line. You say I don't have a right to be hurt? Well I sure as heck do. You got me pregnant and then disappeared. Suddenly you couldn't stand a thing about me. It is true you never wanted the baby and your words were I am sorry it turned out the way that it did but things moved to fast for me. You asked me once if I had feelings for you. You asked me another time if I loved you. So when I gave you the answer why would you through it in my face later? Maybe you say we only saw each other six times as a way to cover up everything to your new girlfriend but that is a lie. I have every text you sent and I know exactly how many times we were together and it was a lot more than six. You say a lot of shitty things that aren't true and I don't understand why? I get mad and I say things but I don't twist the truth or downplay anything for someone else. You have said nothing but it's probably not yours since the day you found out I was pregnant. You constantly say that you heard I was running around with all kinds of people and I don't ever know where you get that from. No wonder my friend blew up on you. Who is going to sit by and let their best friend be degraded? You think I can't get hints and that's why I still text you. Not true. I never asked you for a commitment. I didn't like the things you were doing but I never asked for you to stop. I still text you because I keep praying that you will stop all this nonsense and stop missing out on what's important. The child that I carry. I hope you feel really stupid when the test is done and you realize I was right all along. There is no other way it could be. I will never accept any apology for all your putting me through. You did abandon me and the baby because if you cared you would be there for appointments you would want to know. I will always have a right to text you whenever I want because you got me into this. I don't regret it for a single day because this baby is the best thing to ever happen to me. It has changed my life and the way I feel and the way I want things to be for the future. The baby is a miracle and it saved me for the shit hole life I was living. I am just sorry that you cannot see all the good it could bring to your life.