◘ Broken Free ◘

It's been a long time since I  have cried like I did last night. I guess in feeling attacked and judged I just lost it. People are so quick to judge when they do not know what you've been through or what you have had to put up with. Pain changes people and sometimes it changes you even when you don't want it to. It has not even been a year since I have broken free from the biggest downfall of my life. It has taken me places that I never though I'd go to and truly brought me to my knees. I am slowly rebuilding and I really do not need someone else coming into my life and screwing my head up again. People are so selfish and constantly want to blame others and point out their faults. WE ALL HAVE FAULTS! I have become insecure. I have become clingy and desperate just to have someone who I can turn to who isn't going to disappear. I am lonely and scared and most of all I am confused. It's just sort of what happened in all the madness. I desperately long to get back to me and each and everyday I fight for that. Do I have the answers to why we fall so madly in love with people that we cannot see logic nor destruction? No I don't because if I did I could have saved myself so much heartache. I am just here to learn and to rebuild and to find my way in life again. Everyone wants someone in this life who will understand them. So many times all I have wanted was for someone to just realize that I am broken and take me in their arms and say it will be okay. People are beyond understanding. You are weird or you are misunderstood because they have never been around a person who has lived with so much pain. Like I have said we should all be so lucky to go through relationships that are healthy and that help us grow and only teach us . That doesn't happen. Some of us suffer emotional and physical abuse and when it is all over our whole worlds upside down. People need to try to understand more. Realize that the way you see life isn't how everyone else sees it.  The way you have been able to live life isn't the luxury that others have been lucky to receive We are all different and we all are human. Some of us just need a little more time to figure out the things in life that matter and leave all the bullshit behind. I don't deserve to be screamed at. I deserve someone who is going to understand all my fears and be there until I can break through them. I would do it for someone else and it isn't to much to ask to get it for myself. If I can't then there is not reason to even begin to try to make a relationship work. You should choose to be with someone based on their heart. Not their job. Not how much money they have, Not what they've been through. Don't let them go when things are difficult. Just work through them and realize that their admiration and eventually their love for you is all that really matters.