It really is sad that I still have not heard from Landon's dad. I don't know how someone could just completely write off a child and disappear. Men use the excuse it might not be mine just so they can get out of taking responsibility. I can't imagine how many stamps I have wasted on letters that have probably not even be read. As the date gets closer I wonder is he ever going to be apart of anything at all? Will a paternity test change anything? If he never wanted another child I guess nothing will change is mind. He will at least take financial responsibility because as soon as I can I am filing for child support. He is not going to go this whole child's life not claiming him because the paternity test is going to prove everything. Looks like at this point a judge will have to order one because as always he father is missing and has no intention I suppose of calling or finding out anything. Once babies get to a certain point they can come anytime if they want. Due dates are just estimates. Some babies come early, some late and some right around the due date. Does he really think the baby will wait? I have never hated anyone in my life. It is such a strong word that even now I don't know if I should use it. The guy I was with for 3 years stole 7,000 dollars from me, was physically and mentally abusive and cheated on me for quite some time. Yet I do not dislike him as much as Landon's Dad. He never once put the baby first or realized what this baby deserves. He just said no one would force him to live his life a certain way. Now I can see why he isn't married anymore. I see that he is still having fun with the girl he started seeing long before I even got an official pregnancy test. It really makes me sick. I know that their are men like this out there everywhere but what would be the chances I would find them?
Despite it all I have the best gift in this entire world. I am the one coming out on the best side. If he ever tries to follow through with his threats to take my baby I will fight him until the day I die. This man that clearly said he never wanted this baby will never have custody of my child. He will never be raised by someone who does not love him and probably never will. He has not been present this whole entire pregnancy. He has not bought a single thing and I get the feeling his one call was only in hopes that everything wasn't going well. He never clearly said abortion but I know from his attitude that is what he wanted. My baby boy has been strong. His heart has always been more mature. Everytime I got to the doctor they say he must be a happy baby. He will be strong when he is born as well. I have never been happier and this has been the most exciting journey ever. It is hard physically and emotionally but everyday I cherish because I know what is inside me. I wake up knowing I am one day closer to meeting my sweet baby boy. I know that he will never be anything like his father. I don't know yet what I will tell him about his Father. He may want to be apart of Landon's life but he may not. Even if he does 9 months of his life he has disappeared and not shown at all that he cares. How do you ever tell a child that one parent never wanted him? All I know is to show him enough love so that he never has to wonder why. All children deserve two parents but it doesn't always work out that way. It is easy for the man to find another women and run off like nothing ever happened. I do not regret anything that I have went through because I know that I can do it on my own. I have good friends and good family that have contributed to the things Landon needs and that makes me happy. 6 more weeks until I get to meet my baby boy. A week or two early wouldn't hurt :)
